Ok so I am a fatty. At 5'4 and 195lbs that is an indisputable fact... I would like to add that I wear it well :) but this fatty-ness has prompted my mother to poke and prod me into joining Weight Watchers. I am not new to WW, I did it very successfully back in 2008 when I lost 10% of my body weight.
Before that as a child and a teenager, I always thought I was much fatter than I was. I constantly put myself on diets and killed myself over my weight. I was crazy into sport as a teenager but gave it all up to focus on my school leaving exams. I know I was 140lbs (64kg) back in April 2006, my doctor told me so! That is when I gave up the sport though.
Back in March 2008, the impetus to diet came when my doctor was giving me my six monthly check-up for my pill prescription. She looked at me with such pity and concern after I got off the scale that I felt compelled to diet. She also had to change my prescription to a lighter dose of drugs because with my "clinically obese" BMI I was too "at risk" to stay on my current prescription; I'm sure Ulrich Beck would have something to say about that (if he cared about me and my diet of course!). Also I had dropped out of college the previous October and broken up with my boyfriend of three years in the February 2008.(My excuses... we all have them!)
So, I joined weight watchers and lost lots of weight very easily and when I went back to my doctor for my next six month check-up. I weighed in at 150lbs and she was suitably stunned and impressed... she wowed and congratulated me and let me go back on my old prescription (the new one, 'Yasminelle' was not working out). I was delighted with myself, I felt and looked great, I was about to head off on an Inter-rail adventure and had wanted to feel more comfortable and confident and of course look decent in the requisite photos. I had applied to study a new course in university as well so just after inter-railing I was going back to college... It was the perfect time to go on a diet and I had plenty of incentives to stick with it. As I said it all went swimmingly and the weight stayed off for a long time... I don't remember putting it back on, it must have been a gradual process!
Anyway, the Celtic Tiger caught that nasty cat flu which meant that I was no longer able to afford my two bedroomed flat and I had to move back into my parents house for second year in college. I ate like a hound at home (and still do) and college started to drag me under. So many assignments and so much TV to watch... deadlines were missed and unnecessary stress ensued... I became a fatty again! That is when I turned to Dr. Larocque and his Motivation technique. It was a disaster! I lost weight very quickly at the beginning because it's easy to be on a diet that tells you to eat super-sweet bars twice a day but I learned nothing from it. I wasn't able to stick with the demented 2 portions of carbs and no sauces (EVER) on anything. As a person who has always hated gravy I can only surmise that Dr.Larocque's diet is like reverse aversion therapy, as soon as i realised that i was not allowed gravy suddenly i needed and wanted and craved it, in all of it's brown goopy messy glory. I wanted it on my meat and on my potatoes. Oh and potatoes, another food I previously had no interest in... Dr. Larocque changed that too. I think I stuck with motivation for around 12 weeks and I know I lost a very large chunk of weight by January 2010.
However by January of the year (2011) I weighed 20lbs more than my previous heaviest weight. This scared the shit out of me, I began to really be afraid of going on another diet; for me it seems like I loose lots of weight and feel great and then I slowly put weight back on and then add like an extra 5-10 lbs... Dangerous! So it actually took me quite a while to decide to diet again. I even read stupid books like, "FAT is a Feminist Issue" and bought but never read "When Women stop Hating their Bodies". As an aside, I have become a feminist possibly as a result of the whole weight issue. Naomi Wolf's "The Beauty Myth" had a big part to play. hmmm but "become" is a poor choice of word regarding feminism, I always was one but reading feminist books awakened me to that fact.
So now March 2011, I am nearing the end of my degree, I have a dissertation to write in three weeks and then exams, followed by my possibly having to look for a real job. Hopefully I can just stick at my current waitressing gig until Christmas 2011 and then in 2012 I want to break free and fly off to Canada.
As a naturally shy person the Canada thing will require serious weight-loss, I can't be a shy and retiring wall-flower if I want to go to Canada on my own and get a job AND a social life. For me weight-loss is never just about looking good in clothes, it is accompanied by an idea of myself as a more gregarious person.Wendy McClure writes about this idea in a convoluted way in her book "I'm Not The New Me", I was attracted to the book because I have often started diet journals by saying shit like, "this is the first day of the new me...". I always believed that if I started to live like I already was a skinny girl and act like one then the skinny would follow... and... it does but then I forget ... and ... the skinny goes away :( !!
So, yet again, today is the first day of the new me! I'm joining weight watchers for the fourth time (there were two mini re-starts between attempt number 1 and the Motivation fiasco). Back to my meetings, like a food-aholic, clambering up onto the WW bandwagon. I hear there is a new points plan in operation one which makes all fruit free... this sounds like my kinda diet! So long as my diet allows for chocolate and alcohol I will be a satisfied woman. I actually love being on a diet :) I also love exams, I'm just crazy like that.
